when you leave:
wish list

before all after

i feel gross

2002-04-07<>4:41 p.m.

i feel young and foolish and stupid and childish and dumb and immature and juvinile and synonyms of the same nature.

i hate reflecting.

but i know that i have changed, and i have learned. i am growing to be a better person. i am a better person, but i will become even better. i just need more experience.

its the experience that kills you, though. its all learning. i dont want to learn, i want to know. true, learning is half the fun, true. but sometimes its not fun at all. or perhaps it is at the time, and then you look back and you realize what happened and thats when you start feeling young and foolish and everything else in the first sentance of this entry.

i was at barnes and noble the other day. i was looking through the science books. i wanted to learn. i wanted to go to class and listen to lecture. i wanted that soooo badly. i want to learn, i want someone to teach me. school. science. math. life? life is dumb, and things happen that you wish wouldnt have happened, but at the time they seemed reasonable. perhaps i am overreacting to just some foolish thing, but its cool, because i probably am. i will get ober it. sooner or later, i will have memories to replace those which i regret. regret? i dont know. am ashamed of, yes. very much so.

more living, please, to get rid of the past.