when you leave:
wish list

before all after

in my dreams i am able to just flap my arms and fly


i have been extremely lonely lately, and it seems like its only gonna get lonelier.

for the past many months, i have been saving up and saving up to go visit cynthia in maine. provided me with a farewatcher to watch when the airfare for any given airline dipped below a certian price. perfect! i had found an airline to take me to boston and back for $198. and it even had the perfect dates for me to go. so yeah, im all set to go see cynthia in maine. all i need to do now is buy my plane ticket. "dad, can i use your credit card to buy my plane ticket online? ill pay you the cash up front." i asked him. "later." he replied. everyone knows that when a parent says "later" it means "never." so yeah. i asked jennie, "jennie, can i use your credit card to buy my plane ticket online? ill pay you the cash up front." "sure" she replied, being the good friend that she is. so, now, all i needed to do was save up my money.

a few weeks later, i was able to get the money i needed to buy the $198 round-trip plane ticket. "okay, jennie, can i use your credit card to buy my plane ticket online? ill pay you the cash up front" "cant you use your parents?" she asked. "no, my parents are retarded. can i use yours?" "i only have a $500 dollar limit on mine" "ill pay you the cash up front."


okay... i guess thats okay, i can find someone to let me use their credit card number so i can buy my plane ticket online.

i cant find anyone. bah, maybe i will try again later with someone. now, its november 11th or 12th or something, cynthia is in a sad mood. so i tell her that i will buy my plane ticket, so she can be happy. i want cynthia to be happy. i beg and beg my parents to let me use their card so i can buy my plane ticket online. finally, they agree, under the terms that they hold on to the ticket until i leave and i must clean my room(s) before i leave, or something. yay! i have a credit card i can use now! i hop into the computer chair and i type up and look for that $198 fare that i had been keeping my eye on. i cant find it. where is it? i cant find it. it must be here. it was here a few weeks ago. where did it go? why cant i find it? WHERE IS IT?

i guess the $198 special is done with, and i am left with nothing but my pile of cash, and a computer screen full of $345+ airfare deals. my eyes are filled with tears as i think of how i am unable to afford the plane ticket to visit my best friend in maine. i start counting my cash, to see if i am able to afford one of these more expensive fares. $354. thats how much i have been carrying in my wallet for the past many months (well, not all of that, but it has been slowly building up). that is not enough to buy a $345+ plane ticket and pay for all the taxes and airport fees and fuel charges. i run upstairs and grab my box of change. $25+$4.75.... thats another $29.75 i have in change. i have some uncashed checks in my walled, left over from valeries gas payment to me and a birthday present from my sister. $13 and $23.84 (my sister likes to write me strange sums for my birthday present). grand total: $420.39... no wait, theres another dime. $420.49. that is every cent i have. every single fucking cent. i will have to starve while not at home until next monday when my father gives me more lunch money. note to self: cancel weekend plans.

dont worry cynthia, i will find a way to get to maine this winter break.