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its a video, not a film


you have to be ready and willing to write in here, or else the entry is gonna suck.

yesterday, in my humanities through film class, mr. soffian reminds us that we must do some sort of project and/or paper for the class. since the class is basically only lecture and movies, he doesnt have anything but tests and this to grade us on. so yeah, we have two options: 1) a ten page paper on something film related. or 2) a 5 page paper and a project/film. right off the bat, im like "hey yeah, i wanna do a film." but then i get thinking... i dont have any equipment. i dont have any access to any equipment. i lack creativity and ideas. there is no possible way i could compete with people like ryan prouty and steven jonas, who have so much experience in this shit. katy told me her idea of what she was going to do for a film, it was wonderful. there is no way i could even come close to measuring up with these people. according to everyone else, my ideas have "no point" and theyre just plain "not correct." i honestly get that a lot from people. in my creative writing class, even from friends. "so whats the point in that" they ask me when i share an idea in something. it makes me want to run away and cry in a little corner until i can gather my courage and enter their presence again.

i was thinking about this topic on wednesday after class. and how i dont even come close to comparing. but then i started thinking "hey... what the hell am i thinking? i can think of something good. i am capable. i can make a kick-ass video. i can make something that will not only be in the same league as everyone elses, but it will surpass everyone elses. yeah, i am good, i will do this, and i will do it wonderfully" but then today, i was thinking again. and i decided that i was wrong.

people say that i do, in fact, have talent. and they probably get angry at me when i try to correct them and say that i dont. i guess i could have some talent, but why dont i see it? you would think that just mabye i am only being modest, and not admitting my skills. if that was the case, i would be crazy. if i had talent, and i did things well, i would be totally proud of myself. proud, but not to the point where i was some sort of egotistical maniac or something. you see, if i do have talent, someone please tell me, because i would really like to recognize that.

maybe i should just watch more movies and read more books. i am an uncultured swine.