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i never took psychology 2001-02-21<>02:56:01 ugh, i am so disgusted with myself. the past few weeks have been going good, i have been happy. but now, i am just stupid and lame. actually, i am feeling bad for a reason that i shouldnt, but i still do. someone tell me to shut up. on a totally different note, i think i came upon a somewhat important realization today. sam and i were sitting in the hall in one of the buildings. it was during class, so the hall was somewhat empty. i sort of just slumped down and ended up laying on the floor, flat on my back. then, just jokingly, i said "oooh, i feel so vulnerable" and then i bent my knees up and said "okay, i feel better now" and thats when it hit me. i sat up and said to sam "woah, i think i just realized something." lately, i have been sitting with my knees tucked up towards my chest. in sort of a fetal position, if you will. i never used to sit like that, but just these past few weeks, i would sit like that in the library, in the movies, on the couch at scotts house, on the couch at anyones house. i think that i am doing this to sort of defend myself. not from physical harm, but from emotional and mental distress. because i have been so happy these past couple of weeks, i dont want to get hurt, and i know that that is what is in store for me, so i guess that by sitting like this... oh, i dont know. i am lame. i quit. i am not doing this anymore. i give up on being human. |