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Men vs. Guys Vs. Women

2002-09-13<>9:36 a.m.

After Returning from the night�s festivities at 7 am to finally start this paper, I have had time (about fifteen minutes) to reflect on the two essays, Guys vs. Men by Dave Barry and What Does a Woman Need to Know? By Adrienne Rich. Of the three stereotypes discussed in these essays (Women, Men, and Guys), I have realized that despite the biological reasons for making me a woman, I am more stereotypically gathered into the category of �guy.� In fact, there is no way I would rather have it.

Rich speaks of feminism and women�s rights and the sort, which I firmly disagree with. Women are only on this planet as a source of entertainment for the men. Oh, and for reproduction. Sex and pleasure�one in the same, I suppose. All of this talk of women being oppressed and searching for power, searching for their voice is rubbish. White men brought the Chinese to America to build railroads. Do you hear them complaining about �harsh work conditions� and �oppression?� Of course not. Building railroads is what Asians were meant to do, like women were meant to do the dishes. It is all rather simple, really.

The problem comes from education, which Rich says women should have more of. There is a reason landowners held the slaves back from reading white literature, they were afraid it would spark ideas in the slaves� minds and encourage them to speak up for themselves and possibly even revolt. Of course, time has passed and laws have been overturned, making it possible for even minorities to attend universities. This parallels the struggle women have had to go through. And now, being able to attain a quality education, women are fighting for �equal rights,� which is useless because despite how hard they try and how much effort they put forth, women will never match the intellectual, physical, or mental capabilities of men. It was just never meant to happen.

Dave Barry, on the other hand underestimates the male gender. �Man itself is a serious word, not to mention manhood and manly,� Barry writes. �Such words make being male sound like a very important activity.� And it is. Being male is a very important; men are responsible for everything, from hunting for food to building shelter. One cannot rely on women to do such tasks, for, as I have mentioned previously, women are not physically, mentally, or intellectually capable. Listen, I don�t make the rules, this is just how things are. If I made the rules, I would change them, making women and men equal in every way (except perhaps anatomy, one gender just wouldn�t be as fun). But I don�t make the rules, so I can�t do anything about it. I am sorry.

Because men work so hard to support their wives, families and/or themselves, men deserve extra perks in life. Which is, once again, why women are around. And video games. Barry, being a man, however, does not give his own gender nearly enough credit. His essay talks of guys being stupid and caring of nothing but sports and which size battery makes the biggest �boom� when placed in the microwave. Readers of his essay might be confused that men and guys are different things. Everyone (or I should say almost everyone, with a minute percentage of exclusions) with a penis is male. When males are at work, or they are being serious, they are men. When males are at home, at play, or on the can, they are guys. Women marry men. Women then come to find out that the man they married isn�t in fact a man, but a guy in disguise. Ask any woman how she feels when she is submitted to the infamous �Dutch oven.� She will tell you that whoever set that up was not the man she married. Exactly, it is the guy she married, under the false pretenses of being a man. Confused yet? Good.

Men work at banks. Men run business. Men go to church (as a favor to their spouses). Guys play football. Guys scratch their asses. Guys read Douglas Adams. And though some may say, by these descriptions, that guys are less evolved than men (which may or may not be true), there is one definite conclusion: They are still above women� And minorities� And sea monkeys (though only slightly).

Rich and Barry may not agree on all things, but they do have one common ground. Neither of them are fully capable of understanding the human psyche. And though Rich is merely making a fool of herself, she is trying to be understood. Which is wrong. She needs to hustle back into the kitchen and and search out a cold beer for her husband because he spent his day making others think he was working hard.