when you leave:
wish list

before all after

i will always be bitter and cold.

2001-06-11<>2:06 a.m.

okay, so, i guess its time for me to elaborate on the previous entry.

day, i went to the lake with simon, alaina, garrett, scott, ryan, sam, nichole, sams friend tiffany, a girl named mary and two other girls that i didnt quite catch their names. hanging out with people i dont really know is alright sometimes... if theyre cool. so we went to the lake and everyone had fun. (i am not included in "everyone). i sat on the shore and played tetris because i didnt want to swim. and also, i have no bathing suit because i dont have one, and i was getting tired of swimming in my clothes. anyway, it was fun seeing simon flirt with sam in the water, and it was fun seeing scott flirt with kara.

lies... its all lies.

blah blah blah, we ended back up at ryans, and we all decided that we want to go to the olive garden for some free breadsticks and whatnot. then, jennie calls and i tell her to zoom up to redding so she can come to... maybe if jennie wasnt there, i could get over the fact that i am so fucking jealous of every other girl alive. yeah, and she showed up, and we went to the olive garden.

i guess normally, i would have sat by scott. but today, we seemed to be giving eachother the cold shoulder. not to mention i was pissed all day because of this. so i sat somewhere else. we ended up playing simpsons and full house trivia. i ate some ministrone soup. and lots of free breadsticks. then we go back to ryans house to have a little simpsons party (or basically... just to watch the simpsons because it was on at 8). so we did that. sam cuddled with scott. i sat by myself. woooo... here comes more of that non-action. so then, i guess for the last 5 minutes of the simpsons, sam gets up and leaves the room for some reason or another, and i am tired of being ignored, so i went to go sit/lay with scott. it was nice, i guess... but it wasnt. anyway, then scott got up to leave because he had to clean his mothers office, and so he was beginning to leave. and i said i should also because jennie was awaiting me back at her house in red bluff (jennie went home before we watched the simpsons because she had to pick up her little sister). anyway, scott had to move sams car in order to get his car out of the driveway, so when i went outside, he was in sams car.

i unlocked my door, and i started to get in (feeling bitter), when i realized that i was really really sick of feeling like this. so i went over to where scott was (in sams car). so... instead of opening the door... he rolled down the window. wow, thanks, scott. nothing shows lovin' like an impersonal window-rolley-downey-type-thingy. i told him that i wanted a hug because he was leaving. so he got out (reluctantly, i guess) and proceeded to give me a (rather shitty) hug. needless to say i was very very unsatisfied. so i got in my car and drove away.

goddamnit. it makes me sad just thinking about what to type.

so, needless to say... every other girl got 10 times as much action with scott today than i did.

i hate boys that say they like you, and they say that they hate head games. but then they like to ignore you.

oh, one more note. i am probably overreacting, which i normally do. but i think this time i am going to stand up for myself. i am getting really really REALLY tired of this whole rejection stuff. so i take full responsibility for my attitude. i think i have the right this time.

okay... last thing. i like morgan. she is really cool and she is nice to me. if i were a lesbian, i would take her to see bridget jones' diary again.