when you leave:
wish list

before all after

i am lame

2001-03-31<>10:11 a.m.

i think perhaps rebekah might be right.

yesterday, scott and i took a nap on his couch. we layed there for like 2 hours. the whole time was the perfect opportunity to kiss him. but i didnt. why? i dont know. i wanted to, but i just could not bring myself to do that. i am seventeen years old and i have kissed one boy. michael just gave me a quick little smooch when he left here after winter formal. i had no problem with that, in fact, i liked it. so why cannot i kiss anyone else?

maybe a different question should be asked. what if scott tried to kiss me? what would i do?

i have honestly thought about this, and i feel bad to say that i probably would have pulled away. i would have pulled away, apologized, and then attempted to explain myself. what is there to explain? what am i supposed to say to something like that?

"sorry scott, i want to kiss you, but i cant.
or maybe
"uhh... im afraid of that stuff."
or perhaps i could use my overall excuse
"im lame"

i think thats it. im lame. rebekah says there is something wrong with me if i do not want to kiss boys. im not a lesbian, though. i sure did enjoy cuddling with him. and trust me, i did think about it, but i just couldn't initiate anything.

would it be petty of me to ask the readers for advice? oh well, i will anyway. to you, the reader. e-mail me with suggestions or something... better yet, i have a guestbook. write in there.