when you leave:
wish list

before all after

youre wrong.


i dont enjoy this one bit.

the time has come once again where i want to write stuff in here, but i feel that because i know folks who read this thing, i cant. its rediculous, i know. i dont know what to type now. goddamnit fuck. thats all that comes to mind, really.

no, but do you know what i rediculous? ME. yes, why the hell am i still thinking about it? its over a month gone. it doesnt matter. i dont matter. nothing matters. fuck. i quit, again.

should i be mad? should i feel used? i think that used is the wrong word, but i cannot think of another that can tak its place. the most intense, most emotional experience that i can remember encountering, and it began and ended in a month. actually, i shouldnt be so quick to say that because it is not over for me. why not? i wish i knew. if you are reading this, congratulations, you are not an idiot and you found out that i am. i had to write it because if i didnt, i would have YET ANOTHER episode like that of november 17th. i need to write stuff down, but i dont want to make a whole seperate diary for it. i dont know. i dont know anything. anyways, please do not make fun of me or tease me about it. in fact, dont even mention to me that you read this, it will only make me feel more retarded.

dont mind me. its just a quick mood swing or something, ill be fine in a couple of hours.

or not.