when you leave:
wish list

before all after

damn me


two more decisions: i am unable to share, and i am unable to compete.

those pretty much boil down to one commonly said phrase by me.
"i quit"
i guess that makes for a bad way of living, huh? its one of those "if i cant have it, nobody can" type things. or, in my case "if its not all mine... fine, i quit, someone else can have it" whatever. i dont know. i can think of several areas where this will fit. if one knows me well enough, they can probably think of several areas where this will fit, also. and, most likely, several people i do not want to share with.
my god, what is wrong with me? have i become so horrible that if i am not happy, nobody else is allowed to be either? there are only a small handful of people who i want to be happy, even if i am not. in fact, this handful is so small, the number of peple can be counted on one hand. so, only the people i really love, only they are allowed to be happy when i am not. everyone else, everyone else must suffer.

someone fix me